PathToHoliness

I’ve always been competitive and in many ways like sports, jobs and businesses I have started. Currently my wife and I are nearing 20 years with our current business. We started it and created work for client companies that no one else was doing. Our work involves photography, audio interviews, some video and all to assist in marketing efforts for these companies and most of that involved significant travel. We’ve worked for many of the largest names in agriculture. A big part of what we “pioneered” was the use of blogs, podcasts and social media. But that has all changed in the last 10 years as we started getting competition and now everyone is an influencer, content creator, digital marketing expert . . . This has had a big impact on us, not counting the cost of COVID, although that was a rough time financially.

So, I point this out because for the first time in my life I’ve felt down, depressed and have lost my enthusiasm. I’ve prayed about this and asked God for what He wants of me, of my company, of my “retirement.” I’ve been receiving answers. Most recently being the realization that a lot of my mental attitude is the result of comparing myself to others. Things like new jobs they have, growth in their companies, the fun they’re having in their retirement, their ability to do more exercise. A majority of this comes from seeing and reading this via social media. What was once a core of our work has, in my opinion, become not only a sewer pit of trash, but something that you not only can’t trust is reality or is the constant barrage of people posting about how wonderful they are and how successful (they think) they are. It’s easy to get caught up in that.

So, after about 3 days earlier this week I just felt deflated, no interest in anything, struggling to do things that have to be done, tired and finding myself just staring at the wall in my office. But then it really hit me out of no where it seemed that I’m doing this to myself and it is on one else’s fault. I’m not perfect. I’m not the best photographer. I’m not the best business man. I’m 65 and feeling older and yet trying to do everything I have done for over 40 years in my career. That’s crazy and I thank Jesus for opening my eyes to this. It has not been easy and I doubt I’m out of the woods yet. Although I hope to be in the woods next month for deer season!

I will also add the value of being able to talk to my wife and partner about this. She is pretty no nonsense and comes right to the point. She probably doesn’t know how important that is to me. But it is and since we are married, that includes Jesus as part of that union. It hasn’t been easy to talk about how I have been feeling. I’ve always struggled with some level of anxiety but it was never as bad as the last year.

If you or anyone you know has this kind of feelings or situation I hope you can find a way out of it. I only share this because I hope it might help someone. I have no idea what the next year will bring, much less the rest of this year. But as Saint Padre Pio would say, “Pray, Hope and Don’t Worry.”

BTW. The picture is from a weekday Mass I attended in Springfield, IL at Sacred Heart Church which is run by the St. Katharine Drexel Catholic Parish.

In more than a year I’ve seen people become more afraid than I can ever remember. I don’t mean being afraid of something like a lightning storm, a creepy bug or your shadow. It has been foremost a fear of COVID-19. But also included is a fear of all the violence that is happening all over our country and a fear that somehow the world is going to end due to climate change.

We literally have a society of fear going on that is being stoked by fake news, real news, non-stop opinion news. Advertising campaigns locally and nationally have essentially urged people to be afraid. Most of the fear is not rational. However, the volume of violent acts which include terrorist rallies, gun shootings, murders and governments letting criminals go without having to pay the penalty of their crimes, is something to be really concerned about.

I will confess to having irrational feelings of fear and anxiety this past year. It’s not fun. They have mostly become bothersome when I wake up at night and can’t go back to sleep. I’ve been working on letting go of my fear and anxieties and finding more and more spiritual material to help. This includes The Imitation of Christ, Thomas Kempis. Here’s an example of many lines that address this subject, “Lord, I willingly commit all things to You, for my anxiety can profit me little.” Yes, all the anxiety in the world will not solve anything. It only keeps us from focusing on what is important and making good decisions.

There are many more excerpts from the writing of saints and theologians. Just google for it. I follow @PadrepioSaint on Twitter and the tweets often are “Pray, hope, and don’t worry.” “Be not afraid,” Saint John Paul II, Pope, is something I think about often.

When these kind of feelings happen I view them as an attack from the evil one. For that reason I always have my rosary and holy water which also helps tremendously.

I read “The Imitation of Christ”, by Thomas Kempis, many years ago and remember how much it meant to mean then. IDK why but I picked up this version of the book which I have had for a while and started from the beginning again. Amazingly, it speaks to me even more powerfully than I remember. It’s as if the thoughts and words in this book seem to talk about today, what is happening in the world and in my life.

Even in the forward I highlighted this: “But we forget that we are made up of body and soul and all this hyperactivity leaves no time for the soul to breathe.” The world today seems very frantic with an overwhelming urge to constantly be doing something, anything and at all times. Maybe by meditating on this little book you and I can change and slow down, be patient and enjoy the day and find ways to become more like Christ.

This book can be purchased on Catholic Book Publishing.

During this season of Lent it is especially good to take time for personal examination and to meditate on the life of Jesus and what the coming Easter Triduum means. There are many good guides or prayer books for this time. I’ve been finding meaningful reading in my daily Liturgy of the Hours, especially Morning Prayer. This is a quote from yesterday’s Morning Prayer, Antiphon 1, Psalm 43, “Defend me, O God, and plead my cause against a godless nation. From deceitful and cunning men rescue me, O God.”

This immediately hit home with me emotionally. In my life I don’t ever remember seeing so much hatefulness, animosity, anger, lack of faith, and actual direct persecution of Christians. At least in my own country. We have elected leadership that I truly believe are working to tear our society apart and complete the ongoing effort to remove God from our our institutions and people. I find it truly heinous what is being done to children and including those unborn who have been aborted.

So, I have read and re-read more of the Psalm and it not only brings home the reality of what Jesus had to endure on our behalf but also provides hope that we will be saved from these “deceitful and cunning men.”

Just over a week ago I had rotator cuff repair surgery. It doesn’t really sound too intimidating until you learn about it and especially those first few days after the surgery. I confess that I was dreading it and scared of it. I had to make a promise to myself to quite Googling every term, medication, outcome, problem.

To start with, it means that I can’t drive for at least six weeks and have to have my arm in a sling night/day. So that means no business travel or the kind of field work I do. Then I have another six weeks before I’m allowed to lift anything with my dominate right arm.

Lots of questions about how this is going to affect my business, how am I going to be one-armed and left handed, will the surgery be successful, etc. were running through my mind constantly.

I was finding it very hard to concentrate on my prayer life and to trust in God that no matter what happens it is His will and He will give me strength to deal with it. So, I’ve made it a part of my meditation each day to just let God help me, provide me with inspiration. Then when this subject came up speaking with my wife and Chelsea, my daughter who was paralyzed in an auto accident 17 years ago. I was complaining about how annoying having my arm strapped to my side was. She casually reminded me that she wore a very restrictive collar around her neck for months after her spinal cord surgery. Wow. Did that ever put things in perspective for me. I almost started crying on the spot out of shame for this trivial little matter that will most likely be very successful for full arm use and within less than that amount of time.

How can I not be thankful to God for this? It happened when I picked up a heavy object and there was a loud (to me) pop and pain in my shoulder. Yep, torn tendon. Not good. But then, maybe it really is. I can thank God for this and offer up my pain united with His on the Cross.

I have still had a few early bouts of what I guess they call situational depression while sitting in a recliner and feeling sorry for myself. Worse, I’ve imagined all the things that can go wrong and started focusing on the challenges my business faces, family relationship problems and more.

It’s pretty easy to become lukewarm with my faith at these times but that does no good. By the end of my first week post-surgery I am feeling a renewed energy and positive outlook for the future. I know my goal on Earth is to become a saint and look at this wonderful opportunity God has given me to work toward that.

I continue to pray that I’m worthy of God’s love, dedicate myself to my prayers and finding ways to help others, by starting with my wonderful wife and business partner. I take her for granted so much. She is the wonderful mother of my children and on this Mother’s Day I want her to feel special, needed, valued and loved. I pray to my Mother Mary to pray for me and for us as we move forward on the path to holiness. Amen.

Here’s a charitable organization we support that I thought I’d bring to your attention. It’s the Merida Foundation. At Mass this morning Rudy gave me their current update letter to save postage. That shows you how committed they are to using donations carefully! Rudy and Dorothy just got back from a trip to Mexico and had a good trip with Fr. Fred Elskamp, who has been a Pastor at our church. They make about 3 trips a year and bring about 1,200 pairs of eye glasses with them to distribute to the poor with vision problems. That’s just part of the good work they’re doing. Here’s a description:

The Merida Foundation is a charitable corporation originally founded and funded by Dorothy and Rudy Lemke in December 2003 to benefit the descendants of the ancient Mayan people of Mexican’s Yucatan Peninsula. Since 1982, now retired optician, Dorothy Lemke has been providing eye glasses to the poor, visually impaired people in the rural villages surrounding the city of Merida.

Since its inception, the Merida Foundation has also funded nutrition projects for undernourished school children in the region. Today, the foundation is feeding approximately 350 hungry children at six nutrition sites.

Here’s where you can find information about making a donation.

All of it, no exceptions:

(h/t: Happy Catholic)

I thought this was utterly beautiful. From today’s Office by St. Bernard of Clairvaux:

Love is a great thing so long as it continually returns to its fountainhead, flows back to its source, always drawing from there the water which constantly replenishes it. Of all the movements, sensations and feelings of the soul, love is the only one in which the creature can respond to the Creator and make some sort of similar return however unequal though it be. For when God loves, all He desires is to be loved in return…

It is true that the creature loves less because she is less. But if she loves with her whole being, nothing is lacking where everything is given.

Read more

For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example that you should follow in his footsteps. (1 Peter 2:21)

Archbiship Chaput has a wonderful reflection on what it means to follow Christ that we should think about this Good Friday, from his book Render Unto Ceasar:

Jesus accepted every measure of suffering on the cross. He did it freely. He chose it. The Father made this sacrifice for us through his Son because he loves us. There is nothing weak or cowardly or life-denying about that kind of radical love – and any parent who has suffered along with a dying child instinctively knows it. The question we need to ask ourselves, if we call ourselves Christians today, is this: Do we really want to follow Jesus Christ and love as he did, or is it just too inconvenient? We can choose differently. We can choose the kind of routine, self-absorbed, halfhearted anesthetic Christianity for which Nietzsche had such contempt. It is certainly easier. It also costs less…

[R]eal discipleship always has a cost. We can’t follow Jesus Christ without sharing in his Cross…Discipleship demands more than reading about the Catholic faith or admiring the life of Jesus. Christ didn’t ask for our approval or agreement. He doesn’t need either. He asked us to follow him – radically, with all we have, and without caveats or reservations.

Following Christ means paying the same price out of love for others that Jesus paid to redeem us. (pp.39, 45)

Ave verum Corpus natum
de Maria Virgine:
Vere passum, immolatum
in Cruce pro homine.

Cuius latus perforatum
fluxit aqua et sanguine:
Esto nobis praegustatum
mortis in examine.

O Iesu dulcis!
O Iesu pie!
O Iesu fili Mariae.

English:
Hail, true body,
born of the Virgin Mary:
Truly suffered,
died on the cross for mankind:

From who pierced side
flowed water and blood!
Be for us a foretaste
of death in the last hour!

O gentle Jesus!
O holy Jesus!
O Jesus, Son of Mary!

Other Good Friday related posts:
The Paradox of the Cross
Christ Teaches Us How to Die

This is a great motivational video for all Catholics defending the sanctity of all human life, especially those heading to the March for Life this week. It’s time to follow in the footsteps of the Lord:

When you call on your congressmen to fight FOCA don’t forget to also encourage them to oppose expanding funding for embryonic stem cell research! And pray for the conversion of our pro-abortion Catholic politicians!

This was a great source of comfort to me during my adoration earlier this week:

You’re not alone. Suffer tribulation cheerfully. It’s true, poor child that you don’t feel our Mother’s hand in yours. But have you never seen the mothers of this earth, with their arms out-stretched, following their little ones when, without anyone’s help, they venture to take their first shaky stems? Your not alone: Mary is beside you. The Way ~900

And Christ, our Lord, is with us, even to the end of time (Mt. 28:20):

What we cannot do, our Lord is able to do. Jesus Christ, perfect god and perfect man, leaves us , not a symbol, but a reality. He Himself stays with us . He will go to the Father, but he will also remain among men. He will leave us, not simply a gift that will make us remember him, not an image that becomes blurred with time, like a photograph that soon fades and yellows, and has no meaning except for those who were contemporaries. Under the appearances of bread and wine, He is really present, with His body and blood, with His soul and divinity. Christ is Passing By, essay on the Eucharist

From a sermon by St. Anthony of Padua:

The man who is filled with the Holy Spirit speaks in different languages. These different languages are different ways of witnessing to Christ, such as humility, poverty, patience and obedience; we speak in those languages when we reveal in ourselves these virtues to others. Actions speak louder than words; let your words teach and your actions speak. We are full of words but empty of actions, and therefore are cursed by the Lord, since he himself cursed the fig tree when he found no fruit but only leaves. Gregory says: “A law is laid upon the preacher to practice what he preaches”. It is useless for a man to flaunt his knowledge of the law if he undermines its teaching by his actions.

We should speak, then, as the Holy Spirit gives us the gift of speech. Our humble and sincere request to the Spirit for ourselves should be that we may bring the day of Pentecost to fulfilment, insofar as he infuses us with his grace, by using our bodily senses in a perfect manner and by keeping the commandments. Likewise we shall request that we may be filled with a keen sense of sorrow and with fiery tongues for confessing the faith, so that our deserved reward may be to stand in the blazing splendour of the saints and to look upon the triune God.

Catholic blogger Jen at Et Tu? came into the Church at the 2007 Easter Vigil. She has a wonderful one year anniversary reflection centered on the Eucharist:

When I received my first Communion at Easter Vigil last year I had come to accept that the teaching on the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist is true. Or, perhaps more accurately, I was willing to accept on faith that it was not false. I was undoubtedly being led to the Catholic Church, and found its defense of this teaching to be solid and compelling, so I trusted that it was true in some mysterious way, even though I didn’t really get it. That was the best I could do, and I never expected to understand it any more than that. Even as the months have rolled by, after receiving Communion week after week, I still don’t know how it works. I don’t even have a visceral reaction when I first see the consecrated host held above the altar, and don’t think I ever felt the Holy Spirit hit me like a ton of bricks the moment the consecrated host was placed on my tongue. And yet, despite the lack of immediate emotions, despite the fact that I can’t tell you exactly how it all works…I believe now with all my heart that it is true. I know that I eat the flesh and drink the blood of God at the Mass, and that it is the source of my strength. Read more.

Jen has been a real gift to me. Her blog reminds me of this quote from St. Josemaria:

Conversion is a matter of a moment. Sanctification is the work of a lifetime. (The Way 285)

Conversion is nothing without the work of sanctification – a life spent in cooperation with God’s graces, confident in His mercy and divine providence. Jen lets us all in on her own personal journey along the path to holiness, including sharing her spiritual struggles that anyone striving to live out holiness in their daily lives can relate to.

Happy anniversary Jen, and welcome home to all of you who have come into the Church this Easter season!

The words of Christ to St. Faustina:

“There is more merit to one hour of meditation on my sorrowful Passion than there is to a whole year of flagellation that draws blood; the contemplation of my painful wounds is of great profit to you, and it brings Me great joy.”

That should give us motivation for meditating on Christ’s Passion this Holy Week!

“This is the great mystery of our faith. We do not choose God, God chooses us. From all eternity we are hidden ‘in the shadow of God’s hand’ and ‘engraved in his palm.’ Before any human being touches us, God ‘forms us in secret’ and ‘textures us ‘ in the depth of the earth, and before any human being decides about us, God ‘knits us together in our mother’s womb.’ God loves us before any human person can show love to us. He loves us with a ‘first’ love, an unconditional love, wants us to be his beloved children, and tells us to become as loving as himself…

God has been trying to find me, to know me, and to love me. The question is not ‘How am I to find God?’ but ‘How am I to let myself be found by Him?’ The question is not ‘How am I to know God?’ but ‘How am I to let myself be known by him?’ And finally, the question is not ‘How am I to love God?’ but ‘How am I to let myself be loved by Him?'”

This is an excerpt from The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri J.M. Nouwen. I thought it was appropriate for the beginning on Lent and wanted to share it with you all. The greatest challenge of the spiritual life is not to love God, but to allow ourselves to be loved by Him. Not to ask for forgiveness, but to let go of our sins and allow ourselves to be forgiven. This Lent, through fasting and prayer we reflect on the emptiness of our lives without God. Let us also reflect on His great mercy and forgiveness and his desire to love us lavishly.

I have been seriously neglecting Path to Holiness lately. I’ve been torturing myself with politics and trying to keep up writing on Reflections. I hope to spend more time on both blogs and less time obsessing over politics. God bless you all this Lenten season!