Do I Love God?
This question came up in my morning meditation today. I just finished Into Your Hands, Father: Abandoning Ourselves to the God Who Loves Us by Wilfrid Stinissen. The concept of love and love for God who we cannot see made me question myself.
For many years I have worked on my spiritual life. That has included a daily plan of life which consists of Mass when possible, the rosary, morning/evening prayer, examination of conscience, spiritual reading. Why would I do this if I don’t love God? Do I really think about what loving God means? These are questions I started asking myself. Of course, when we surrender ourselves to in complete abandonment it is really me that loves God so much to allow Him to take over me and ultimately let His will direct what I do. I’m not yet sure how this works and what it will be like and how long it will take to get to that point.
But in the meantime, meditating on, do I love God, is making me look at everything. That includes my actions, feelings, decisions, fears, worries, anxieties. When I realize that I do Love God it seems like a weight has been lifted off my mind and body. How can I worry or be afraid of anything? Things like my business, what others think of me, when I will die and how, reaching Heaven. If I have abandoned my whole being to God who loves me then I should be at peace.
Of course I still have to work, make decisions, deal with difficult people. But if it is God in my who is directing my thoughts and actions then so be it and that’s that.
BTW. I’m posting notes from my annual retreat again on Twitter. Feel free to follow and comment if you’d like.